I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
