It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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