I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
