Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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