oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
