Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
pray to the hookup gods
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
