its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
