Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
being pregnant is like rehab
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
