I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
