Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
