Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
