I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
