By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
