I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
