We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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