All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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