he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
