I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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