The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
