Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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