OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
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I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
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I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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