As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
