so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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