We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
