drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
