after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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