Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
