Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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