He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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