the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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