I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
