I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
