i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
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just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
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Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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