I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
