Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
