Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
