as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
