i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Never joke about your clitoris.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
