We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
