I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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