Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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