When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
