i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
