I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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