It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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