My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
