how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
