This is not my ceiling
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When are your genitals available?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
