apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
