it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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