Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
