think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
