You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
