Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
