is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize