If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
