If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize