I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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