guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
