i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I smell stomach acid.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
