I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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