Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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