my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
someone owes me an orgasm
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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