i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
