remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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