i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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