Cold hands, warm shart.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
