Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
