I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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