these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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