He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
