dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The air taste purple.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
