He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize