Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(325): View more from Texas

I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka

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(505): View more from New Mexico

you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.

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(772): View more from Florida

The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.

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(248): View more from Michigan

My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now

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(937): View more from Ohio

I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...

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(504): View more from Louisiana

They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.

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(917): View more from New York City

she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"

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