haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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