I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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