Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
