sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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