you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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