so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
