No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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