dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
her vagine was all disorganized.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
