remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
